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I.Am.Not.An.ArtistI am not an artist
I do not believe I am someone with a creative mind
someone who can make something so bland into something so magnificent
I am not that
I will never be that
I see art and the world it is in
and I see nothing
I see no beauty
just shapes and colors
I do not see the beauty someone has created
or the depth and emotion that is hidden between the lines
I don’t see how someone can see so much within so little
to be able to create a life by just a few lines
and to be able to recreate something with their minds
I wish I could be able to do this
just a little of this
but I am not an artist
I am my own person
unrequitedyou make my words
gather at the hollows
of my throat
until i choke on them.
my fingers ache to
but my eyes ache to
you're nothing but heart break
wrapped in a bow
of something beautiful,
like the dust of grace from
i drink a little faster and
cry a little harder
because the way whiskey and tears
mingle on my lips
tastes suspiciously of love.
I Don't Miss AdolescenceMy sister calls to ask me if I'll do her makeup;
Mami promised that she would, but she's tired
and screamed when Maria reminded her senior prom
is tonight. She says, "I have a hickey on my neck,
something she doesn't want to cover, and you've always
done a better job of highlighting the subtle graces
inherent to my bone structure, the angles we share."
I say, "That's okay, but I can't pick you up,"
so she arrives in a flourish of exasperations,
telling me all the family business, waving her nails
in my face and talking about the pain of her extensions.
She says, "Do you think we need yellow concealer?
I plan to take pictures, and the last
The HourglassWatch the hands go round and round.
Ahhhh, how long have I been sitting here,
Listening to the grandfather clock?
Watching him ticking away?
Watching the polished wood yellow and rot?
And with every sound he makes
More maggots eat his wooden flesh.
Every grain that falls is an eternity!
In the firelight you can see the glass.
The dust that coats the cracking bulb,
Listening to the sand that trickles down.
Listening to the passing hours.
With every grain that filters through
Another man sleeps eternally.
The sundial stands defiant!
From my leather chair I see it!
It stands defiant in the plaza below me!
Standing in the moonlit night.
7 - The Pet PoetI remember when Mommy bought you
a black-haired pet for your sweet sixteenth.
Its bronze collar said its name was "Poet."
You fed it noise from the out-of-tune piano,
intense moments involving flesh and razors,
and the occasional walk by the lake.
At first, he knew only the wolf's howl,
purging blood and flames onto the carpets.
Everywhere was a smell of extravagance --
like that woman's cheap perfume on the train to work.
But you cried a little less,
smiled a bit more.
And that was when Daddy stopped
trying to send it back to the shelter.
Soon, you even started watching T.V.
(and enjoyed food, dressed nice, made friends.)
Onyx DreamsOnyx Dreams
Fluctuations of sound waves vibrate the floor,
While the lights of my room glow brilliantly,
But as time winds down and my energy starts its decline,
My vision gets blurry and listening becomes hearing,
And hearing becomes simple background noise,
While Palaceer Lazaro’s words become filmy intonations
Yet, still creating a motion picture full of abstract images,
In my mind full of words and phrases that do nothing but stay stagnant,
And Slumber begins to wrap her warm hands around my head,
As she sweetly begins to pull me into black depths of rest,
A state of unconsciousness that will take me on a journey,
Through the grey abyss we call the center of our nervous system,
And once I fall into the pit of nothingness, the pit of onyx, for those few hours,
I will transform into an atramentous being with aphotic wings,
Because “black is free……..”
Smoker's EpiphanySlipping through a puff of smoke
exaggerated wisps slipping through my subconscious
and I am emptier than before, less than I was
something subtle and hearty
smoothened and soothing
it's almost relief
Equestrian StormEquestrian Storm
I was walking through Canterlot,
as rain beat my plot.
I just didn’t feel right,
before it came into my sight.
The princess of the night,
alone and broken.
What a pitiful sight,
out of my slump, twas awoken.
“Princess, why are you here why are you crying?”
“Because nopony loves our night, I would be better off dying!”
“No Luna no, now that you shouldn’t say!”
“And why ever not, what reason hath you that I should stay?”
“Celestia for one, your sister whom you love.”
“Right sure, the sister from whom to the moon I was shoved.”
DilemmaToday in class
You moved to sit beside me
And my heart missed
Your friends followed,
All sitting nearby
And I sat in silence
Afraid of being judged
The presentation started
And I tried not to look at you
But instead peeked
From the corners of my eyes
The presenters spoke
And I tried to focus
On the droning voice
But you invaded my thoughts
What we had talked about last night,
What I should say to you,
How I should instigate the conversation,
If we were to have one at all
I peek over
And you look miserable
Sick, I remember,
And feel an instant sympathy
And fear of being judged
By those around me
Keeps me silent
All Systems are Shutting DownI shut down
Kicking everyone out
I sit alone inside myself, while other pieces of me close the gates around my heart
And lock the door to my brain
I refuse to let anyone in; I pretend I’m not home
“Please leave your message after the beep…”
“Where are you?”
I don’t know.
“Are you okay?”
I don’t know.
“When are you gonna let me in?”
I don’t know.
No wordsI don't like to talk.
I feel that words cannot truly express what I feel.
When I am filled with emotion, I can find no word that can express what I feel to the fullest.
There is no word beautiful enough to describe this joy, no word horrible enough to describe this hate, no word ugly enough to describe this miserable existence.
nothing specialthey tell you not to give up
because you have potential--
and to the ones who simply enjoy
you're probably fantastic
but to those who do
you're simply mediocre,
nothing to bat an
you're not quite bad enough
to quit, but you're not
great enough to be
a small dosage per daysorrow makes its way into my cup of tea every morning
and I add more spoonfuls of sugar into it,
hoping the sweetness will overpower the bitterness;
yet, this clever feeling still seeps through the sweet substance
and clings itself to the sugar's particles,
which in return races through my veins
and scatters in my blood,
making an entire day feel ruined
Never open the window... Never open the window...
I see you're here.
Pay attention, don't fall. It's dark.
What? No, I don't want to light up the room. Yeah, nor open the window. It's useless.
And actually, the only light I need...
...is that one that is so distant for me.
She asked me why I was saying that.
But best of all, I knew that actually she didn't care
I saw too much faces ready to wipe away all my tears and all my fears
But best of all, I know that actually they didn't care.
Seems like destiny put me in this world to help others.
Oh, I'm tired, but I won't show you.
it has been four years, right?
Four years that I'm holding all of you on my shoul
As day follows night
The sun is high upon the sky
A few white clouds hang not so high
My legs in pain will fight the strain
That heavy breathing doth belie.
I ride my bike up many hills
The few declines my only thrills
My mind is working as it does
Even though this really kills.
My plan today to take a ride
Was meant to lift me from my slide
Into the horror of last night
When scared I me with what's inside.
I pedal slowly as I go
Mind revolted, now I know
Shellshocked by the news so grim
I saw it coming, go to woe.
The day is hot, the journey long
I can't but help think that something's wrong
So now I turn and ride away
From where I know I can'
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More